Published 12 January, 2014 | by Jason David3
Diary of a Casual Gamer: The Great Unfinisher
In my youth I fondly remember being able to cartwheel like a professional…cartwheeler, play football all day and finish games within days of getting them. Ok; I lie – I was a chubby sonofabitch in my formative years and finishing games in record time was the only thing I could do well.
Like some manner of fat black Samson my game completing strength must have been directly linked to my hair, as the more I shaved it the harder it got to finish games. To put this into full horrifying perspective the last console game I remember completing was Uncharted 2 back in 2009. Uncharted 3 is gathering dust somewhere in my hazardous man cave, no doubt discarded in a restrained bout of icantbearseditus.
I realise the irony of my first article on a website called ‘Level Complete’ being about not finishing games, but somewhere there are gamers like me – who much to our dismay just don’t have the time to play games like the good ol’ days.
I initially fought the derisive moniker of ‘casual gamer’, as since the NES I’ve owned nearly every console ever made at some point and ploughed endless hours into a keyboard and mouse based platform-that-cannot-be-named on this website. But now I embrace the label with open arms as I frequently sit blank faced in a pub as my hardcore gaming friends discuss the latest trends in a language I’ve come to know as:
Game·lish (noun): Hardcore gaming speak that n00bs cannot understand
I could come up with a plethora of excuses to explain my inability to finish games and they’d undoubtedly sound similar to my excuses for not finishing my novel, my sitcom script or countless other writing projects I’ve started with boundless enthusiasm on a weekend and then wondered what the fuck I was thinking by Monday morning.
My ever growing stack of uncompleted games may admittedly just be due to good old-fashioned laziness. So while everyone else has made New Year’s resolutions to get fit, smoke less or have more sex in 2014, one of mine is simply to finish a damn game. Starting with the outstanding Grand Theft Auto V – of which I’ve played about 3 hours of in the past 3 months.
Here come the excuses!